It sucks when someone you have feelings for doesn’t share those feelings; it happens to women all the time, too. We hear “I just want to be friends” and “you’re like one of the guys” and “you’re like a sister to me” just as often. But you’ll never hear a woman complain that guys just don’t appreciate a Nice Girl because we’re taught it’s our own fucking fault when we’re rejected—we aren’t pretty enough or thin enough or sexy enough, we weren’t sexual enough or were too sexual, we put out too much or too little or too soon or not soon enough, we didn’t wear our hair the right way or our skirt the right length, we’re “too tomboyish” or “too butch” or “too feminine”, or we’re “not their type”, or we’re otherwise not good enough in various ways to entice the man to grace us with his affection.
But when we’re not interested in someone, we’re vilified. We’re the bitch that lead them on, the bitch who let them buy us dinner but didn’t want to date them, the bitch who doesn’t appreciate a nice guy, the bitch they were nice to and then got nothing in return from.
And, frankly, fuck those people. Showing interest in me, being friendly with me, getting close to me, or eating a meal with me (even if they paid for it) doesn’t obligate me to open my heart or my legs. And anyone who doesn’t appreciate my friendship sure as hell doesn’t deserve my love or my pussy.
Can we cuddle?
In just our underwear, so our skin can touch? Can I hold you while you wrap yourself around me? I’ll play with your hair and drag my fingertips across your skin. I’ll peck at your neck while you giggle and tell me to stop. I’ll start nibbling on your neck a bit harder. You’ll watch in horror as I transform into a great white shark. I’ll then proceed to bite down on your body with my monster jaws and rip you apart. Delicious.
If you are in a relationship and find yourself in a situation where you and your partner(s) have differing sex drives, it can cause a lot of turmoul and fighting. Here are some tips to help out this situation, and hopefully ease some tension.
1. Talk about Why sex is important.
Find out why your partner(s) need sex, or explain to them why you need sex. Talk openly and honestly about it. Does it make you feel more secure? Help release tension and energy? Make you feel more trusting? Is it simply a high sex drive? Talk about these things and more.
2. Talk about why sex is Not important.
What other things do you have in the relationship besides sex? Can you still participate in BDSM and fetish activities? Is sex painful in some way? Is it just simply unimportant? Talk openly and honestly about this, too.
3. Discuss options to fix the issue if talking about the first two didn’t.
- Poly relationship. Can the partner(s) find someone else to help fill the sex need?
- Is there a certain limit you could agree on? For instance, assisted masturbation or oral sex. If only one type or a certain types of sex are an issue, exploring other kinds of sex can really help out!
- Explore sex work.
- Explore different kinds of masturbation options.
- Remember, whoever is saying no has the floor. If they are ever uncomfortable, stop immediately.
- Talk to a professional about the sex issues in a relationship. Sometimes seeing someone can help work them out.
- If the person(s) who have a higher sex drive are being coercive, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. leave. please. Talk to someone about it. Protect yourself as best you can. You have a right to your body and a right to say no.
Hope this helps!
I was literally just talking to my mom about this.